Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes..

Well..It's finally happened.  I've run out of steam with my summer wardrobe.  It tends to happen around this time every year when I begin to long for a fresh new fall wardrobe to play with.

This year, I've also been struggling with a few other changes.  My anxiety levels are at an all time high, and it's beginning to take it's toll on my health.  I'm adding pounds, sleeping in the afternoons (to catch up on the sleep I'm not getting in the evening) and have a constant and persistent ache in my head and stomach.

I don't want to whine.  The truth is, the bulk of this is self imposed.  I force myself to adhere to deadlines I've created, volunteer to help with things when I don't really even have time to take care of myself and keep going at a high rate of speed that has become unmanageable.

 I had hoped that my small vacation would give me the time to do some thinking and come back refreshed, but what I've discovered is..I need more time.

All that being said, ConstantlyAlice is my passion.  I will continue to create and share on my Facebook and Twitter pages, because the communities I've found there have been so wonderful.  I will also continue to add merchandise to my shop, because I know of no better therapy than creating.  I will still post here periodically, but it will be sporadic for a while until I get my feet back under me.  I hope to return to it refreshed and with brand new ideas to share with you in the fall.

In the hopes of building a "support group" of sorts, I will also now be blogging at The Loveable Eccentric.  This is separate from my vintage and crafty passions and will be more of a therapeutic tool.  I will be exploring ways to "find my zen" with things like meditation, mindfulness and healthier lifestyle choices.  It will be an online journal of sorts, tracking my way back to health.  I hope you will join me!

I would like to thank all of you who have been so supportive of ConstantlyAlice so far.  I love hearing from you, sharing ideas and learning new things.  I hope you will hang in there while I sort things out, but if not, I genuinely appreciate you for following along with me this far on my adventures <3  

Hugs and Smooches,
D

My Inner Demons Look Like Telly Monster..

A while back, I posted about my anxiety disorder and what it means for my blog and my shop.  I indicated that I wanted to slow down a bit to allow myself to get a handle on it...instead, I added jewelry making to my repertoire and started moving even faster than before (if that's possible).

The thing is, I felt like the distractions were helping.  The more I do, the less time I have to worry (in theory).  In practice, though, ignoring my anxiety issues have only made them worse.  My panic attacks have become more frequent, and I agonize over things like planting my garden "on time" (a timeline which is created by me) or washing the outside windows on my house (something I didn't get to on Sunday that I will now obsess about until next weekend). 

Above all, I fear harm coming to my loved ones.  Not in the general way most people fear it (you hope they are safe and want the best for them), but in a way that makes me panic if I drive by an accident and don't know where they are, or I get sick to my stomach if my children are at the beach with their father (who is a wonderful, fully competent parent) because I'm afraid one of them will hit their head, or swim out too far and I won't be there to make sure they're ok.

The odd thing is, that as much as I hate the worry and the panic, part of me is a little afraid that if I let it go, I will lose a part of my personality.  I don't take any medications for anything..ever.  I'm afraid that if I need to go on something to help me "calm down", I will turn into a stepford wife, or become zombie-like.  I fear losing my creativity.

However, with the help of my loved ones, I have managed to take one big step and agreed to "talk" to a doctor about some tools I could use to manage my anxiety.

Why do I mention this here on my blog?  The reason is two-fold.  First, it may be a little quiet around here as I get my feet under me.  Not tooo quiet, because writing is really very cathartic for me (as is creating/crafting/jewelry making), but for a few weeks at least, I think my focus will need to be elsewhere. 

Secondly, I think it's important for these types of things to not be taboo.  This is part of who I am as much as my sense of humor and fondness for chocolate pudding.  I do not think anyone should ever feel ashamed about recognizing that they have challenges to face that may be a little different and I hope that by recognizing my challenges here, perhaps someone else who has been putting off getting help will gain a little courage as well.

Hugs and Smooches,
D